Defeating the Tyranny of the Clerks!

You want to buy a new Treo, and you’ve been with your wireless carrier for ages.
As a rock-solid customer, you just can’t wait to find out what kind of deal they are going to reward you with…right?

Does this sound familiar?
“…I’m sorry. That discount only applies to new accounts. If you still want that Treo, we’d be glad to add it to your account for only: $(fill in full list price)…”

“…you don’t qualify for an upgrade discount until (month/year). If you call us back then, we’ll be glad to tell you which phones are eligible for that discount. If you still want that Treo, we’d be glad to add it to your account…”

You don’t feel that you are being treated with the respect that your many monthly payments entitle you to. You ask to speak to ‘someone in authority’:

“…no sir. There is no one else you can talk to…”
“…I don’t make the rules, and there are no exceptions…”

You let them know that if they don’t value your business, they have plenty of competitors who do:

“If you decide to end your account with us, there will be an early termination fee…”

This, my friends, is what I call The Tyranny of the Clerks.

Clerks, bureaucrats, pencil-pushers…these are the people who’s job it was to provide service to their employers’ customers…and, to provide those customers with satisfaction. Our government (at all levels) has become more and more invasive with endless/ mindless rules for every aspect of daily life and behavior. It has created a culture where those used to be scorned for their mindless conformity to rules and regulations have become lauded, elevated and empowered. Now the inmates run the asylum and all of the customer service centers.

What’s a good customer to do? What can you do?

You can remember when humans demanded satisfaction and quality, throw political correctness to the wind, and become a confrontational consumer.

It works, and I’ll tell you how:

1) Start at the top: S_ _t flows downhill, and its time to let it land on the clerks' heads (instead of yours!). Don’t call the customer service numbers. Call the company HQ, and go directly to the C-level executives. All corporations have Executive Complaint departments…full of empowered middle-managers who’s job is to quiet the alpha-customers who won’t let themselves be pushed around.

2) Know where to find the information: Hoovers.com is my favorite place to get the HQ address/ phone number and senior executive names of almost any corporation

3) Prepare before calling: Remember, you’re calling to get something from the company…not to scream in somebody’s ears. Decide what you want from the company, how you want to phrase it (always make it easy to understand), and believe that you have the right to talk to an executive about your issue. If you believe you have the right, you will sound confident and firm. If not, the person on the other end of the conversation will sense it, and you won’t get nearly as much from them as you otherwise would

4) Get names! There is a reason that all ancient religions warned about giving your ‘real’ name to strangers. There is power in names. For you, the power in getting the names of everyone you talk with, is that they are now documented. Documentation means that there is a trail, and that they can be held accountable. In today’s corporate society, fear of documentation trumps all other demons. Use that fear for your own ends.

5) “I’m as mad as hell…and, I’m not going to take it anymore!”: If you find that you are being blocked, balked or bolloxed, don’t be afraid to raise your voice, and raise all hell. This is where having everyone’s name pays off (starting with the names you pinched off of Hoovers.com). There is something so completely satisfying in taking back the power that the clerks have stolen from us over the past several decades.

Now…here is a personal, ‘real’ example from only last month:

My son has my old Treo 600. It was mine, then his grandfather’s…and, he’s had it since June. Unfortunately, the digitizer is shot, and the headphone jack is on its last legs. I wanted to get him a Treo 650, and figured that I could get a good deal, because they are discontinued. Just for kicks, I called the ‘regular’ customer service number, and asked the clerk there about getting a deal on one. I was politely told that one could be purchased, for only $449 (USD). I wasn’t due for any upgrade discounts for another year; and, I wasn’t opening a new account; so, tough luck.
I gently reminded the clerk that I was a long-time customer, and spent a serious amount of coin with them each year. The considerate answer was that instead of paying $20 a month for my son to ‘piggyback’ on my monthly minutes, ‘anytime’ minutes & unlimited data, I should open a brand new account for him. Then, I’d be entitled to a ‘new account’ discount on the 650 (and, pay a higher monthly fee, plus services fees, plus data fees).

Instead, I pulled out a piece of junk mail I had received from my wireless carrier a few weeks earlier. It offered me a 10% discount on my monthly phone plan if I extended my contract for 2 years. Since the deal didn’t include my data plan or extra features, it wasn’t attractive to me. However, it was ‘signed’ by the VP of Marketing (foolish mortal gave me his name!); so, I decided to give him a call.

Hoovers provided me with the required phone number, and I called HQ. When I asked for the VP, the operator asked me why I wanted to talk to him. I simply said that he had sent me a letter, and I was responding as requested. Next thing you know, I was speaking to the VP’s admin. I explained that I had no interest in the “10%” offer, but would consider a 2-year commitment in return for something of value to me: a Treo 650 for my son. I further explained that although I wasn’t looking to move to another carrier, I was very intrigued by the terrific offer that Cingular had for the ‘brand new Treo 680.’

Bottom line: the next day, I got a call back from the ‘Executive Action Group’ offering me a factory reconditioned Treo 650 (with full warranty), in return for the 2-year commitment. Done deal!

This attitude isn't just for getting your rightful deal with wireless carriers. It works with financial institutions, retail giants, insurance companies...just about every place where drones shove your face in their mindless glorification of bureaucracy, conformity, and forms-in-triplicate.

Use this thread in the Forum to tell the rest of us your personal tricks and tips for defeating The Tyranny of the Clerks!

That's it...but I'm not getting off of this soapbox anytime soon!